Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast a fortnight after discovering he has the condition.
"There's an element of looking the future in the face and hesitating to really process that at the moment," he commented.
"It isn't that I don't understand where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, says rather he feels "at ease" as he focuses on his present welfare, his family and getting ready for when the illness deteriorates.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I process things differently, and after I have the details, it's simpler," he added.
First Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his shoulder while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the problem, a number of scans indicated nerve cells in his neurological system had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably quite moved about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't feel sick. I don't experience poorly
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I remain able to performing whatever I want. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is possible."
Illness Development
MND can advance rapidly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the disease takes the lives of a one-third of people within a 365 days and over half within 24 months of identification, as eating and breathing become more difficult.
Treatment can only slow deterioration.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's about the grief around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Family Effect
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was rather devastating," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and began cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody said the focus was remaining in the moment.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be extremely intensely focused on just accepting and savoring everything now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been really blessed that the primary determination I made when I left playing was to allocate as much time with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those years back."
Athlete Association
Top-level competitors are excessively affected by MND, with studies proposing the incidence of the illness is up to sixfold elevated than in the broader public.
It is believed that by limiting the air accessible and producing damage to motor neurone cells, regular, vigorous physical activity can trigger the illness in those already predisposed.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in honour of his fearless, relentless approach to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a practice confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a practice gear and started throwing himself into tackles.
After entering as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the set piece in the crucial phase of play, establishing a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the match-winning drop kick.
Assistance System
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who led England to that title, and a few other ex- players about his diagnosis, but the rest will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of care and acknowledgment that people are there is what's important," he commented.
"Rugby is such a excellent group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it finished now, I've valued all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to label your passion your vocation, it's one of the most significant blessings.
"To have done it for so long a period with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I know they will desire to assist in whatever way they can and I anticipate having those talks."
